Wearing Thin
Some folks say
They want to live
Forever,
But as for me,
This particular person
I am
Is wearing thin.
I can think of few things
Worse
Than an eternity
Chained to this one particular person
I am,
This soul attached,
Forever beset
By this particular concoction
Of insecurities and doubts,
Addictions, duplicities
And genetic happenstance.
Gotta wipe the slate clean,
Someday.
Be somebody else for a while.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Anatomy
Inside,
There is light and dark,
Without reason,
For reason follows intuition,
And intuition follows
Something I cannot name,
Something light,
Something dark,
A place in the heart
Which is not really the heart,
Which is not really a place.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Two Resolutions
When this life has worn you weary
And each day is a struggle
To find meaning,
Resolve to be honest,
About everything,
All day long.
Resolve to be kind,
With everyone,
All day long.
Then,
Meaning will return.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
I Would Return
I will be dead
By the time this seedling
Grows into its full majesty,
By the time its limbs grow large enough,
Strong enough to bear the weight of a boy.
I would return someday,
Be that boy and climb this tree.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
On Christmas Day
Whose birth do we celebrate on this day?
The living embodiment of God?
The only one?
What about you?
What about me?
Even the tiniest blade of grass struggles toward the light.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
The Pearl
Having found a pearl of great value,
He declared:
“This is the only true pearl,”
And he worshipped it,
For it was his
And he was blinded by the sight of it.
He put it away in a safe place,
Kept it hidden,
And never returned to the great open sea
Where there are so many pearls of great value,
Still.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
The Way Of This World
It was a tall tree,
Not majestic,
But many years old,
Having managed somehow to be planted,
To grow in a clear space,
Clear enough for sunlight,
Far enough from other, taller trees,
A space where humans found it desirable
And so left it alone to grow
All these years.
Singed by the occasional fire,
Parched by the occasional drought,
It grew.
After ferocious winds that would not let me sleep
I walked along this familiar path,
Strewn with leaves, branches and limbs,
And there in the clearing was the tree,
Lying on its side,
Uprooted,
Most of its branches torn away
Except for a line of long, leafless branches still attached,
Now pointing toward the clear, quiet, cloudless sky,
A last gesture.
This had nothing to do with sin,
With punishment
Or even destiny.
Every big wind blows a few trees down.
It is the way of this world.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
When?
When you start praying
When do you say:
Now I can put
All my praying away?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Gravity
When it comes right down to it,
I know little more about
God
Than a duck knows about
Newtonian physics.
Try as he might,
The duck cannot explain,
Or defy,
Gravity.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Rehab
Honesty,
Pure honesty,
Every waking moment.
See the past,
Change the future,
No matter what you’ve done,
No matter how long it takes,
No matter how many times you fail
And fall,
Start again,
This day,
This moment.
Honesty is the first step,
Pure honesty,
Every waking moment.
From this all blessings come.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Balance
Your stricken conscience
Grieves over the suffering in this world.
Convulsed with joy,
A baby laughs.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
The Angels Wept
I was thirsty
And my cup was filled.
I was hungry
And food was served upon my plate.
I ate and drank freely
Until my cup was empty,
Until my plate was clean.
I was cold
And I was sheltered.
I was sick
And I was healed.
But the angels wept,
For despite all my blessings,
I’d forgotten to say:
Thank you.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
This Mother's Prayer
God,
Oh yes that troublesome word,
She has trouble with that word,
Visions of blind obeisance,
A fairy tale euphoria,
Ignorance,
Superstition,
A certain lack of precise intellectual focus,
Oh yes she has trouble with that word.
Yet in her most private, personal moments
Something like a prayer emerges,
If only as the last obligation
Of a mother whose children have left home,
Her children,
Out there somewhere.
And so she prays,
Trying as we all try
To bend the course of destiny
To our will.
Atheist that she is,
She will not abandon her children
To a godless world.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Guru
When my cat sits on my lap,
Forcing stillness upon me,
I hear the distant barking of a neighborhood dog,
The sudden chirping of squabbling birds,
Footsteps down the hall,
The ticking of a clock,
The whoosh of a passing car,
A door softly opened
Then closed,
An airplane,
The scratching of this pen against this paper,
The smell of ink,
The movement of my toes,
The tempo of my breathing,
The sudden absence of sound,
The weight of silence.
When my cat sits on my lap
She reminds me I am living in a world
Of sense and sensation,
My furry little guru.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
A Honeybee
A honeybee
Searching for a flower
Saw his reflection in a pool
And flew
Into the sparkling water
Where so many others die,
Their wings too wet to fly.
This honeybee swam hard
Hoping to reach dry land,
But soon would weaken and drown
Had I not been at hand.
I took my net and lifted free
This tiny, desperate honeybee
Who then dried his wings
And flew
Away.
What did he think,
If he thinks at all?
That the hand of God
Caught his fall?
Or perhaps an angel
Restored his flight?
If there are angels for things so slight.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Prophets
So many prophets,
How we revere them,
Study their lives,
Read their writings,
Marvel at their prognostications,
Follow their instructions,
Dismiss their detractors,
Proselytize the unenlightened,
Prepare for the promised apocalypse.
So many prophets,
Distracting us from the eternity of this moment.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Here On Earth
Here on Earth,
God sees through our eyes.
Here on Earth,
God works with our hands.
Here on Earth,
We are the conscience of God.
Yet you ask,
Why does God not see?
Why does God not act?
Where is God’s mercy?
Look within your heart.
You will find the answers there.
Each of us is called.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Advice To A New Saint
The hardest thing you will ever do
Is give wisdom to the unwilling,
For as their eyes open
The false flowers of their imaginary gardens
Will wither, crack and crumble,
And they will abandon you for what you have done,
For the certainty you have destroyed,
For they will be as strangers in a new world
And afraid,
Yet unable to return.
The hardest thing you will ever do
Is give love to the unloved,
For as their hearts open
The impenetrable armor that kept them safe
Will come loose and fall to the ground,
And they will abandon you for what you have done,
For the desires you have exposed,
For they will be as strangers in a new world
And afraid,
Yet unable to return.
The best thing you will ever do
Will be without acknowledgement or praise,
Done for its own sake,
And for those who understand,
And for those whose understanding has yet to come,
Though they may never know your true name.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
This Tree
What are your opinions about this tree?
I ask myself,
Standing before this ancient oak
Hidden deep in the forest,
Limbs so wonderfully woven for climbing,
Were I of a climbing age.
How would I rank this tree
Among others of its kind?
How can I judge it?
I cannot,
For I’m not an arborist,
Not a conservationist,
I do not inspect trees,
I simply see them and behold them,
As I would do with the rest of life,
Were I that wise.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Ad Infinitum
If only you could sort through
All the ideas in your head,
You tell yourself,
You would figure it all out
And arrive at the grand conclusion,
The answer,
The answer to all those relentless questions.
Yet every idea you explore
Gives birth to a myriad more.
Dandelion seeds in the wind.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Something Eternal
I can easily see the second hand move
But no matter how long I stare
The minute hand seems stationary,
The hour hand frozen.
In the mirror
I am the same as yesterday,
Yet the photograph is surprising.
I have aged.
Yes, I see wind-blown clouds changing shapes,
Time-lapsed flowers unfolding,
Water that comes to a boil,
Still,
There is something eternal inside,
Surprised at the passing of time.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Saved
Go ahead and pray,
Pray for things both selfish and unselfish.
If you are blessed,
Many of the things you pray for will not come.
In this way shall you be saved.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Why One And Not The Other?
Easier to understand when we were animals,
Savages,
Without the grace of modern civilization,
Without protection,
Easier to understand the random hand of fate,
Pulling one down,
Pushing another up.
But now,
When so many millions are safe,
When so many millions are not,
I have yet to discover,
Why one and not the other?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
An Angel's Plight
I cannot tell you the nature of my birth.
My countenance is but a mirror,
Reflecting your imagination,
Without human substance.
To say I am born of God
Is less than Adam’s rib,
Without lineage.
In my mind there is only being.
There was no infancy,
No cradling,
No mother’s soft cooing.
I am filled with envy
And my desire is insatiable,
The desire for love,
Love that must be earned by good works,
By intercession.
So I listen and I am called
And I answer as best I can,
Only able to influence,
Not change,
The course of any human event.
I hunger for that connection,
That bond with a grieving heart,
A heart so wounded that at last I am called,
Yet so often abandoned after healing has begun,
After joy has returned,
After the Earthly distractions come flooding back,
Severing the connection,
Casting me out once again,
Lonely winged messenger that I am.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
If I Could Choose
Yeah,
Heaven may be swell,
For a while,
But what do you do with all you’ve experienced,
All you’ve learned?
Do you just sit around with family and friends,
Drinking wine at sunset,
Forever?
If I could choose my soul’s progression,
My soul’s destiny,
I would take all that I know,
All that I am
And be the seed of a new world.
Imagine being the initiating spirit,
The infusing spirit of a new existence,
For better or for worse,
The spirit that inspires,
The spirit that destroys,
Or something in-between,
Something complex,
Something that grows beyond its beginnings,
Something that evolves,
Kind of like planet Earth,
Which makes me wonder
Just what kind of erratic genius gave birth to this world?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Imagine
If you are not living the life you imagined,
Imagine the life you are living.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
We Suffer
At this level of incarnation
I suppose our suffering has purpose.
I have learned much from suffering,
Lessons I apparently could not have learned
Had my life been free from suffering,
Had my life been easy.
Lessons I apparently could not have learned
From joy.
Yet how can I condone suffering?
How can I countenance its merciless, random aim?
How can I find reason in the suffering of children?
In the suffering caused by villainy?
In the suffering caused by the collapse of civilization,
When whole countries suffer
From the corruption of a single man?
We are spurred to action and reform by suffering,
The best of us dreaming of a world
Where the last remnants of suffering are accidental
And soon extinguished.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
In Return
Oh how you scoff at religion,
At those who embrace a merciful God,
Who have faith in the promise of heaven.
You list the sins of the righteous,
The historic holy wars,
The blindness of orthodox doctrine,
The wolves in priests’ clothing,
The sainted certainty that employs violence,
That justifies violence,
Violence against body, mind and spirit.
Your debate weighs on the sins of the religious,
As if the evil that humans do
Is an inevitable consequence of faith.
I have an aged friend,
Raised in a small town,
Believing gratitude to God is the way to give thanks,
Thanks for the blessing of another day of life.
If I convinced her of your reasoning,
If I could take all her antiquated beliefs away,
All the naïve notions of religion going back generations,
What would I give her in return?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Recently Born
So new,
So young,
So ignorant of devious motives,
So free from self-imposed orthodoxies.
So new,
So young.
We race to fill our recently born
With our individual truths,
Our tribal truths,
Our instructions and conclusions,
As if we had no need of change.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
When The Lights Go Out
Every evening
When the lights go out,
When the streets are dark,
When everything you own is drained of color,
When you are ready for sleep
In the black invisibility of your room,
Now you know
How far you’ve come,
How far you have to go.
Now you know
The only thing you truly own.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
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